David Cox

A Three-Legged Workhorse

2011-11-09T00:48:00.001-05:00

Too many nights I end up on the third floor of Cabell library staring off into space at the rows and rows of books wondering why I can't even focus on the small notebook in front of me or why I choose this time to start looking online for a wedding tuxedo and why biochemistry really matters at all because maybe I will just own my own men's store one day and be able to be the ultimate exception to the rule because I think I'm so much smarter than everyone else at VCU and why I didn't even try to transfer to an Ivy League school but then I can't focus or what I will be procrastinating later this week and why the only real thing I can think of is how to pay everyone back for stuff and how quickly I'll be able to spend my paycheck and maybe just maybe that will get me a date so I have an excuse to smell good and be a gentleman for a night instead of a manipulating fuck who just looks for ways to cheat the system because I've been bored with school ever since the fourth grade when I figured out that I knew it all already and that the really smart teachers worth listening to were somewhere else and that this is not and never will be my home until the end of time.

Red October

2011-10-07T21:32:00.003-04:00

104 N. Harvie St, Apt. 2. This is where I watched the Phillies close out the second half of game five on October 29, 2008.

About a minute after Harry Kalas called the final out, my dad called me. "Well, they freakin' did it," He said with the trace of tears in his voice. And that's all that needed to be said. I don't know what it is about baseball that moves me so much emotionally. I haven't seen the Phillies play a ton of games in person, I wasn't even very good at baseball growing up, but following a team for 162 games every year just makes you a believer.

Sports have an enormous influence on my mood. Games have the ability to ruin my week, but also to make me forget about everything in the world that's been on my mind. Last year after my girlfriend had left me, I had no clue what to do, and I had even less direction. I guess I have StubHub to thank for making it so easy to get a last minute ticket 10 rows behind the first base dugout. Making the drive to Philadelphia that afternoon, I got to think about a lot. Every bit of internalized chaos that was in my life seemed to leave my body as soon as Roy Halladay got out of trouble in the first inning (He walked two, and then balked, before retiring the side).

And so here I sit, in my room at 9:30 on a Friday night, watching a bootleg stream of game five of the NLDS.

Really, I'm just waiting to exhale.

Changes

2011-10-07T03:09:00.001-04:00

1. I don't feel bad when girls in horrible relationships cheat on their boyfriends with me. I actually enjoy it.
2. If I could make a bigger living being a strength coach over medicine, I'd do that. I enjoy it.
3. I'm really scared the Phillies are going to lose tomorrow.
4. When I move away to whatever city has the school I'm going to next, I don't think I'm going to tell anyone.
5. Biochemistry is completely over my head. I wish I had a girl who stayed on me about studying for this class.
6. Marriage couldn't come soon enough
7. Something about my mom's health scares me. I don't know which of my parents I'll lose first, but either way it's been on my mind recently.
8. I was never good at art.

A Prayer

2011-05-25T21:44:00.000-04:00

Give all of us gathered here tonight the strength to remember that life is so very fragile. We are all vulnerable and we will all at some point in our lives... fall.

We will all fall.

We must cary this in our hearts, that what we have is special. That it can be taken from us, and that when it is taken from us... we will be tested.

We will be tested to our very souls.

We will now all be tested.

It is these times, it is this pain that allows us to look inside ourselves.

Six days at the bottom of the ocean

2011-05-19T03:00:00.000-04:00

For the past eight months,

I have slept alone.
I don't make breakfast for anyone.
I wait till the last possible minute to change the cat litter
And take out the trash.

The TV stays unplugged for days
And I keep losing DVDs.

Your old things used to show up from time to time in places I forgot to look
But I've thrown them away.

It smells different
I look different
And it feels like 2006 all over again.

Your hand in mine

2011-05-07T03:49:00.002-04:00

The walls of my apartment are bare. There is no artwork, photography, or even paint. I think we had planned to decorate, but that never happened. I painted your room across the river actually..
I don't want to hate you. I don't want to feel anything toward you, and I wish that were mutual. I don't mind not being friends, but grudges are the worst. I'm the type of person who needs closure; so far you won't entertain that idea.
The past two summers were spent with you. It's about that time again now and I'm not sure how to feel. I really need to get away sometime soon but this new life I've chosen for myself has no vacation days.
I hope you take your cat back and learn some responsibility.